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NEW PRODUCT FROM THE DUCK LOGIC WAREHOUSE!

7/11/2013

DUCK LOGIC HEADQUARTERS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE NEW PRODUCTS!!

BRAND NEW! THE TAYLOR SWIFTER!!!- Tired of dirty details of old boyfriends turning into dust storms of bad publicity? Looking for something to clean your love life up like a Swiffer for the relationship challenged? You need The Taylor Swifter, a swiffer with a picture of Taylor Swift on the bottom so that you can take advantage of emotional fallout from terrible dating decisions, just like the Barbie Doll looking pop star! Now in Red Lipstick, Green Envy and Bland White Girl.

Stay tuned to this space for more new products from the Duck Logic Warehouse!

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7/9/2013

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NEWS ACROSS AMERICA! lady liberty shines on!

7/9/2013

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NEWS ACROSS AMERICA! TORCH ON, LADY LIBERTY!

California changes priorities and skips paying debt in order to have more fun in the sun. It's about time somebody stood up for something!

The President has decided to put off today what he can do tomorrow and so far the results are stunning. Even Congress has to tip it's hat to the man with the plan!

Finally, teenagers stare apathetically at their future and, ironically, nobody cares.

This has been News Across America! All the news that we could find that nobody else has bothered to!

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Talk With A Zombie

7/8/2013

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Dear Zombie.
I don't know whether you're a zombie or not, but you do look like a guy who might know about wine. My mother-in-law's making beef stroganoff…or nov…or something and I'm in charge of the wine. I figure beer goes with everything, but she wants wine. You got any clue what goes with stroganoffvv?? - WISH HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CARE

Dear Wish,
You just got yours, 'cuz amazingly enough I do know wine, enough for you anyway. One way you'll never go wrong is this: red meat – red wine, white meat – white wine. It's simplistic, and the wine snobs are all cringing as they read this, but it'll work. So Chicken, fish or pork stroganov - white wine, but beef stroganov - red wine. And that goes for stroganoffs too. A cabernet or merlot would be great, a zinfandel or table red would work well too, and as long as you grab something in a bottle vs. box you'll look plenty impressive when you bring it in. And doesn't anyone ever serve human stroganoff? And yes, that's right… that would be red wine.

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Dear Zombie,
My grandpa always said "The only good zombie is a dead zombie!" And my dad has always agreed with him. I'm not so sure myself, ya'll generally seem harmless enough if people like me don't get too close. But it got me to thinkin' that you must run into a lot of that sort of attitude from us "live ones'" right? If so, how annoying is that? – SORTA SORRY

Dear Sorry,
Don't be, we can take it. We're zombies. Unlike the old days, hell is now so over crowded, that when you kill human OR a zombie, he or she comes back almost immediately, as a stronger and more confident zombie. There's just no room left to shove any of us us in anywhere down there. That's why I got a job, I got tired of that merry-go-round. But more importantly, when killing us doesn't help anymore, it pretty much kills your family "slogan." The dead just keep comin' back. We're liike a "classics" radio station or retro TV channel. Enjoy.

(ED. Note: If you'd like to Talk With the Zombie, just head over to our CONTACT page and addres your question to "Dear Zombie" in the comment box!)

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DOG STEALS POINT, GAME AND MATCH BALL AT WIMBLEDON. ruins tradition, enjoys soggy ball!

7/6/2013

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Happy 4th of July from DLC!

7/4/2013

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7/2/2013

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Talk With A Zombie

7/1/2013

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Dear Zombie,
My daughter is bringing her zombie boyfriend over for dinner this Thursday night. What in the world should I have on the menu? I don't want to offend him as we love our daughter very much. Plus what kind of things could we possibly we talk about? Please help! - CULINARILY CHALLENGED

Dear CC,
He wants to impress you because he wants to impress your daughter, so he'll nibble at whatever you serve. It's just an old wive's tale that live humans are all we eat. It's a favorite to be sure, but we'll eat just about anything. In fact the only thing we won't touch is another zombie. So, leave that off the menu and you'll be just fine. And hey, you're the parents, and this is your home turf, so sit back and let him worry about how to make the conversation happen. You just might find out he's really the right zombie for your daughter after all.

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Dear Zombie,
How do we know you're a real zombie? Because you've got a picture there by your column of what looks like a zombie!? How do we even know that's you, let alone a real zombie? Sure, I got questions for a zombie, but I want proof that you really are one before I go spillin' my guts to you. - DOUBTING THOMAS

Dear Thomas,
I get this one a lot so I thought I'd finally answer it. And it's this: What proof, in writing, could I ever possibly offer you, or anybody? Let's see… that's my picture all right. Hmmm, I'm definitely a zombie. Impressed yet? I didn't think so. This is what it comes down to for me: When the zombies you're hanging out with aren't trying to bite you then you're probably… a zombie! That's Zombie 101. If these are still just empty words on a computer page, to you, then all I can say is I'll be in that little forest-like area behind the Olinoy Oultet Mall, every night this weekend after hours, doing... uh… errands. I'll be happy to offer you the kind of first hand proof you're looking for, so you can feel free to spill your guts all over the place.

(ED. Note: If you'd like to Talk With the Zombie, just head over to our CONTACT page and addres your question to "Dear Zombie" in the comment box!)

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