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Talk With A Zombie

7/8/2013

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Picture
Dear Zombie.
I don't know whether you're a zombie or not, but you do look like a guy who might know  about wine. My mother-in-law's making beef stroganoff…or nov…or something and I'm in charge of the wine. I figure beer goes with everything, but she wants wine. You got any clue what goes with stroganoffvv?? - WISH HE DIDN'T HAVE TO CARE

Dear Wish,
You just got yours, 'cuz amazingly enough I do know wine, enough for you anyway. One way you'll never go wrong is this: red meat – red wine, white meat  – white wine. It's simplistic, and the wine snobs are all cringing as they read this, but it'll work. So Chicken, fish or pork stroganov - white wine, but beef  stroganov - red wine. And that goes for stroganoffs too. A cabernet or merlot would be great, a zinfandel or table red would work well too, and as long as you grab something in a bottle vs. box you'll look plenty impressive when you bring it in. And doesn't anyone ever serve human stroganoff? And yes, that's right… that would be red wine.

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Dear Zombie,
My grandpa always said "The only good zombie is a dead zombie!" And my dad has always agreed with him. I'm not so sure myself, ya'll generally seem harmless enough if people like me don't get too close. But it got me to thinkin' that you must run into a lot of that sort of attitude from us "live ones'" right? If so, how annoying is that? – SORTA SORRY


Dear Sorry,
Don't be, we can take it. We're zombies. Unlike the old days, hell is now so over crowded, that when you kill human OR a zombie, he or she comes back almost immediately, as a stronger and more confident zombie. There's just no room left to shove any of us us in anywhere down there. That's why I got a job, I got tired of that merry-go-round. But more importantly, when killing us doesn't help anymore, it pretty much kills your family "slogan."  The dead just keep comin' back. We're liike a "classics" radio station or retro TV channel. Enjoy.


(ED. Note: If you'd like to Talk With the Zombie, just head over to our CONTACT page and addres your question to "Dear Zombie" in the comment box!)

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