May your 2014 be filled with everything your 2013 was lacking!
PORT A POTTIE, MORE LIKE PORT A PARTY! VAN SANT IS THE VAN SANTA CLAUSE OF OUTDOOR FESTIVALS!12/28/2013 
More info on "Holiday Hokum" can be found here. And for a FREE download of "Deck The Malls," another song from our Christmas themed EP, visit our Fortnight Features section here.
UPDATE: So many people have responded positively and asked if we're making "The Reindeer Stomp" video available for purchasing. So.. we are! Just click the button below and for $1.99 you can have a copy to call your very own! MOMENTS BEFORE DANNY HITS ON OLDER SISTER AND RUBEN KINCAID ABSCONDS WITH CHRISTMAS BONUSES.12/10/2013 
Look at me, now. I'm Liza in Cabaret. Eat your heart out, campy aluminum trash. I can finally get married!
 There's plenty of holiday happenings in your area this weekend:
Singing Santas at The Mall: This annual surprise is never planned ahead of time and the results are still worth the wait when the security detail shows up with billy clubs and a low sense of self. Don't miss the mumbling of the Hallelujah chorus as if it was sung by your dad and his pals on a bender at the company Christmas get together. The Half Assed Holiday Lights of The Town That Almost Gives A Shit: You know who we're talking about because they're only a ten minute drive from your house and they've been up for the last ten years without any sign of ever coming down. Be sure to be there when the mayor and the local marching band sort of announce the start of the holiday season with a half hearted reading of The Night Before Xmas and the new parking regulations on Maine Street. The Nutcracker Drill Performed by The Local High School Football Team in Tights: It is what it says, a bunch of adolescent males, with nothing to do but dress in tights and this years' football jerseys, run through an excruciating set of practice exercises to the seasonal accompaniment of Tchaikovsky and his ballet tribute to the onset of childhood schizophrenia and inappropriate placement of bulges. And you can end it all at The Town Shopping Place where everything is still overpriced but not made by the slave labor of that place that begins with Wal and ends with Mart. Happy Holiday Happenings from the people at the DLC Events Desk REPRINTED FROM THE OLINOY REPORTER, Friday Nov. 29, 2013.  by Josh "Red Arrow" Newcombe
Andrew Anderson of Olinoy found something on the interweb that's got him excited as a Black Friday shopper with a wearable cow catcher holding a stun gun. "I don't know if it's legal or not, buy when I saw the image I just had to download it and print myself out a couple copies," said Andy. "One is going up in my cube at work, one is going to decorate my man-cave at home and one I'm sending to my mom who's collected duck related items for the last 25 years! It's so much more interesting than the usual Facebook pictures I see of what people had for breakfast. I'm going to stop posting those." Duck Logic Comedy, those funny folks who saved The Olinoy Reporter from a dismal death and often reprint our articles, is going to be releasing a Christmas themed EP of holiday songs very soon. "I can't wait to hear it, I'm gonna keep going back to their website at www.ducklogiccomedy.com to make sure I don't miss the release date," Andy exclaimed. The image, showing an angry Santa waving his glove-covered fist at the DLC mascot Beau as he rides away with Santa's sleigh definitely gives you a feeling that some spirited shenanigans will be going on. Make a copy of that image for me too Andy, 'cuz when Duck Logic Comedy presents Holiday Hokum I want to be the first on my block displaying it proudly! (Ed. Note: Thanks Josh for giving us some promo, we appreciate it! And if you wanna know more about Andy's big find click here.) 
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