REPRINTED FROM THE OLINOY REPORTER, FRIDAY AUGUST, 16, 2013
Flora's new jeans. by Josh Newcombe
Herbert Thompkins of Tiedmont, IL, found himself on the short end of a very small stick this past weekend, when he was questioned point blank about whether his wife Flora's new jeans made her look fat or not. One quick retort later and Flora was giving him a kiss and sashaying happily back to wherever she came from and Herb was astounded.
"I heard the phrase on one those afternoon talk shows a few weeks back, I think it was 2 Guys With A Six-Pack* or something like that, and decided to commit it to memory, just in case. I mean, you never think it's gonna happen to you until it does right, and then it's too late," Herb said, as he accepted the "Dodged A Bullet" award from his local Veteran's Club members.
The answer is simple enough, just four words, but maybe even more importantly Herb also remembered to say them immediately, with no hesitation, not even for a moment... AND… say… them… seriously!
That magic phrase is: "No, not at all."
Can that really be all there is to it? It seems so easy doesn't it? Almost… too easy?
But when the time comes, unless you're really really ready for it, 87% of the nation's leading psychiatrists say you'll most likely blurt out whatever you're actually thinking instead, and the other 13% are certain you will.
"I practice saying it over and over to myself everyday while shaving. I've gotten a lot of cuts and nicks that way, but now I'm sure it was worth it," said Herb, adding, "I like to throw in a "honey" right after the "No" to make it a little more personal."
Moral of the story? All men should definitely memorize this phrase and be ready to spit it out anytime, anywhere. All of us hope no one ever has to use it, but let's be honest, you'll be a lot happier having it in your arsenal, locked and loaded when the inevitable finally happens.
Next week a magic phrase women can use to get men to accept directions.
*Watch "2 Guys With A Six-Pack" weekdays at 2:30 on Olinoy's own Channel 6.9!
Herbert Thompkins of Tiedmont, IL, found himself on the short end of a very small stick this past weekend, when he was questioned point blank about whether his wife Flora's new jeans made her look fat or not. One quick retort later and Flora was giving him a kiss and sashaying happily back to wherever she came from and Herb was astounded.
"I heard the phrase on one those afternoon talk shows a few weeks back, I think it was 2 Guys With A Six-Pack* or something like that, and decided to commit it to memory, just in case. I mean, you never think it's gonna happen to you until it does right, and then it's too late," Herb said, as he accepted the "Dodged A Bullet" award from his local Veteran's Club members.
The answer is simple enough, just four words, but maybe even more importantly Herb also remembered to say them immediately, with no hesitation, not even for a moment... AND… say… them… seriously!
That magic phrase is: "No, not at all."
Can that really be all there is to it? It seems so easy doesn't it? Almost… too easy?
But when the time comes, unless you're really really ready for it, 87% of the nation's leading psychiatrists say you'll most likely blurt out whatever you're actually thinking instead, and the other 13% are certain you will.
"I practice saying it over and over to myself everyday while shaving. I've gotten a lot of cuts and nicks that way, but now I'm sure it was worth it," said Herb, adding, "I like to throw in a "honey" right after the "No" to make it a little more personal."
Moral of the story? All men should definitely memorize this phrase and be ready to spit it out anytime, anywhere. All of us hope no one ever has to use it, but let's be honest, you'll be a lot happier having it in your arsenal, locked and loaded when the inevitable finally happens.
Next week a magic phrase women can use to get men to accept directions.
*Watch "2 Guys With A Six-Pack" weekdays at 2:30 on Olinoy's own Channel 6.9!
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