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Talk With A Zombie

6/2/2013

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Picture
Dear Zombie,
You told some people last time to not believe what we see about zombies on TV and in movies. So my questions is this: Like the zombie entertainment available, do you all only eat raw people or do you cook up… like… recipes? Surely some long deceased chefs have become zombies and are experimenting. – CULINARILY CURIOUS


Dear Curious,
Raarrgh. Ever go to a park and notice that the public grill hasn't been cleaned off properly? That's usually evidence of a zombie picnic. BBQ sauce is good on anything, and you'd be surprised how easy it is to get the grocery guy to let you have it free if you just leave the store. I've read somewhere that eating meat "tartar" is actually supposed to be healthy for you, but since we're already dead we don't really put a lot of thought into our health.
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Dear Zombie,
Is there such a thing as a vegetarian zombie? I noticed in our garden that the green peppers were bitten into and the insides were missing and I wondered if zombies got to 'em. There weren't any footprints or anything around but it sure looked like teeth marks on the peppers to me. – YOUNG SUBURBAN FARMER

Dear Farmer,
If zombies were in your garden you'd know. We're not the most careful of visitors, there's always something left behind or out of place. I've never met a zombie that wasn't a carnivore no matter what they were when they were alive.  Sorry all you veggie heads and vegans, but you'll get the craving and be chanting "braaaaaains" along with the rest of us. Arrrrghugh.

(Ed. note: If you'd like to talk with a zombie, address your questions to "Dear Zombie" through the Duck Logic Comedy contact page.)


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