You speak really well. Not at all what I'd expect from a zombie. What's up with that? - CONFUSED AND SURPRISED
I can understand your surprise, especially if you've only seen zombies in the movies or on TV. I was bitten on the leg at a college graduation ceremony and then just "went zombie" so I'm still pretty intact. The zombies that can only grunt are usually undead that have been buried for quite a while and consequently don't have much of a brain or larynx left in working order. Rwarrrghgh. Yes, I do growl a bit, but that's due some finger meat stuck in my throat. I'll never eat a hand without removing the rings first again.
Settle a bet for me. My friend says all zombies do is eat, eat, eat. They grab somebody, tear 'em up, eat 'em until they come back as a zombie and then move to the next one. I say you've got to get full sometime, right? Who owes who the steak dinner? - MEDIUM RARE LOVER
Dear Medium Rare,
Your friend has been taken in by another Hollywood myth. While we do think of the land of the living as an open smorgasbord, we follow a little known rule: take all you want, but eat all you take. We get very full, but watching zombies play checkers or read a book doesn't make for very compelling story-telling. Two bits of advice, don't believe everything you see in the movies or on TV, and get that mouth ready for some free steak, hopefully from an all-you-can-eat restaurant. Rawawrghghph.
(Ed. note: If you'd like to talk with a zombie, address your questions to "Dear Zombie" through the Duck Logic Comedy contact page.)