College football season is here again and with that comes our annual mascot preview.
The Alabama Crimson Tide Elephant has been redshirted so that he can mascot another year and get as many phone numbers as he can from impressionable underclassmen. By the way, he's not picky and he has no standards or self respect left as the Tide rises in the pre-season polls.
The Wildcat is still the most popular mascot and team name, followed closely by Tigers, Huskies, and Bulldogs. Bringing up the rear is The Citadel and The Cardinal, whatever those are supposed to represent. Our favorite is still The University of Upper Somoa Lower Somoans.
Finally, mascots account for roughly 46% of all college game day tomfoolery,including goosing complete strangers, stealing large portions of tailgating meals, and forcing ESPN Game Day to put Lee Corso in embarrassing situations involving mascot uniform heads and things a man of his age should never have to do in public or on television.
Next sports reports of sorts: high school football half time shows rated from best to worst and some investigative journalism about the effect marching bands have on school spirit.