The church announced that he is the first pope to resign his position in 600 years. The church said there would be an immediate search for somebody older and more bent over. The pope was met with stunned indifference by anyone who has gone to mass in the last ten years.
The guys who put him up to it, however, had a unique perspective:
Bob Schneider and Dale Tindelman have been playing poker with the pope for the last twenty five years and both were not surprised at the decision.
"He was tired of having black smoke blown up his ass", reported a bellowing Bob, while his buddy Dale nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, this way he gets the best of both worlds. He gets to keep a box full of memories like saying Easter Mass and riding scot free in the Pope mobile and fulfill a childhood dream of opening a German Pub in Hamburg", added Dale "The Hook" Tindelman.
The Pope politely waved at the crowd and simply said " Wednesday Night is Fraulein's Night. Half Kegs are free for Frauleins". He disappeared into the Pope mobile and was gone, leaving all of us a little more empty inside until we get a chance to try his new Hot Pretzel Special with a side of Kraut and Mustard.