FROM SPORTS REPORTS OF SORTS: Today was opening day for Major League Baseball and the start of the spitting and scratching season. The New York Yankees led the majors in expectorating with 458 spits spewed, 834 loogies hocked, 243 tobacco sprays, and a whopping 983 sunflower shells patooied from the dugout steps to the infield diamond.
The Florida Marlins led in scratching with a new record of 587 crotch-scratches in one inning on June 21st of last year. Good luck spitting and scratching your way into the record books, major leaguers!
Oh, and take a tip from our Yankee friend in the picture. Stretch those spitting and scratching muscles before partaking in the real national pastime. Fingers crossed, it's going to be a real hot, sweaty summer with a bumper crop of saliva.
The Florida Marlins led in scratching with a new record of 587 crotch-scratches in one inning on June 21st of last year. Good luck spitting and scratching your way into the record books, major leaguers!
Oh, and take a tip from our Yankee friend in the picture. Stretch those spitting and scratching muscles before partaking in the real national pastime. Fingers crossed, it's going to be a real hot, sweaty summer with a bumper crop of saliva.
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