100% Soy burgers from the Crafty Foods, Northern Illinois patty plant have been tested and found to contain more than a 73% blend of ground non-soy vegetable-based products.
In a local grocery store frozen section we found some meat eaters were confused, "It's all vegetables so what's the difference, right?" said carnivore Ed Harrison of Olinoy, IL.
To which veggie lover Betty Sue Whalens retorted, "It's not so much what it was, it's that we weren't being told. I'd be happy to eat whatever crap they put in it as long as it's labelled properly."
A spokesperson from the plant said "We have to put that stuff somewhere, we have an awful lot of it left over from other factories and we're not allowed to just dump it. Up to now the don't ask, don't tell approach has seemed to be the best one for us. Besides soy doesn't taste like much without it."
Even the most seasoned advertising copywriter will have their job cut out for them to spin horseradish stems into a delectable selling point. But once the scandal blows over it seems clear that Crafty Foods, and indeed soy burger producers everywhere, will keep right on doing whatever is the most profitable.