The reason I'm asking these questions is because today's column is about Keith, the Wooden Legged Post Man in Kooterville. Keith delivers the mail, rain or shine, unless his arthritis acts up or his leg gets waterlogged. One time Keith had to deliver a special package to a family that worked at the saw mill. He came home with an empty sack of mail and a whole two inches shorter. Never trust a band saw when you can use a jig saw.
Keith has been walking his mail route for thirty years, 29 of them with that wooden leg he affectionately calls Woodrow. He remembers every package he had to get special postage on and every time he got stuck in Maralee Barton's flowerbed. Maralee, you know Keith is your mailman not a wind sock or an involuntary scarecrow? Keith is set to retire at the end of the year. That means he can spend more time at home whittling birds and weird doo dads and carving initials in Woodrow, and less time having to revarnish his leg every time the Postmaster General comes by for an inspection and puts out his heater in Keith's knoll.
I know he's a good mail man cause he never missed a day of work in his life, unless you count the time that Keith's leg spontaneously combusted and he had to be put out by the volunteer fire department which we all know consists of Fred Tittle and that Daniels kid with the trick leg, but that's a column for another day. Hey, I mean to tell you folks, laugh at yourself before somebody laughs at you first. Next week, Kooterville Kate, the waitress who recalls names, not orders.