Are female sasquatches hot or do they look pretty much like you?
Let's do the math, shall we? Since 1. I'm hot, plus 2. they do look pretty much like me, then it follows that 3. female sasquatches are hot. Rrrrrrrrrrroww! I say start being more than curious, you might be surprised, and you certainly won't be sorry. You'll have a nice day.
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Over half of the questions I've received since my first column was published were like this next one, way too many to ignore I'm afraid, so I'll try to answer this once and get it out of the way:
Dear Hairy Dude,
So you're a sasquatch, huh? I actually have a few questions for you, if you really are a sasquatch. But… there are groups of people who have been hunting for your kind all across America for years and the only proof they've come up with so far is that Patterson film that's been debunked 10 ways from Sunday. With this in mind I find it hard to believe some comedy blog has snagged an actual sasquatch as a writer for their advice column. Sorry but I ain't asking my questions to some fake bigfoot. - DOUBTING TOMMY BOY
I can not prove this to you, or anyone, one way or the other over the internet. Its as simple as that. Duh. My question to you, and the hundreds of others who took the time to write in asking basically the same thing, is why would you write in and tell me that you won't write in and tell me anything until you know if I'm a real Sasqutach or not? Can you really not see the irony in that? Write in or don't write in, I'm still a sasquatch. Call me hairy dude or bigfoot if you must, but I'll still be a sasquatch. So DTB, if you've got questions for me ask 'em, if not then… please… stop… writing to me. Thank you. Have a nice day.
(Ed. Note: If you've got something you'd like to ask our sasquatch just visit our CONTACT page and address your question to "Dear Sasquatch!")