I know you are planning on celebrating Earth Day today by having some kid plant an almost dead tree next to a sad tetherball pole or recycling the same promises you made to me last year, like I was a voter in a presidential election year. I just wanted to tell you that Earth is no longer the final frontier and not the least bit interested in sharing the bill with wind and fire. Do we understand each other?
First of all, stop using the term green revolution, when your idea of a green revolution is putting lettuce on your supersized Big Mac. You people wouldn't know a revolution if it was coming up the street on a float made out of reuseable energies and Inconvenient Truths and Slight Embellishments. Your idea of an energy policy is one run by Frick and Frack the oil equivalent of the Koch brothers, and, guess what, things don't go better with Koch.
In closing, please pick up your crap on the side of the road if you don't want the rest of the universe looking at us like we're characters in a Miranda Lambert song. Pollution, like smoking, does not make you look cool. I am also not thrilled about your toxic wastes and nuclear threats and I am not talking about the synopsis to another MTV reality show. So this Earth Day do something that matters to me like leaving me alone with my thoughts and my resources. That way I get a day of peace and you don't have to feel obligated to do anything more than drive your SUV to the local gas station to fill up on inferior fossil fuels and news from the Sell Oil Gas TV station.