What started, back in 1993, as a way to show young girls that, like men, they too can struggle to find personal fulfillment through mindless busy work that ultimately only makes the CEO richer, Take Your Daughter to Work Day became a day of free babysitting for kids of either gender. But the true meaning of Take Your Kids to Work Day seems to have gotten lost over the last two decades— that fantasies are for kids... Cowboys make crap money, little Jimmy. Ninjas have lousy 401Ks. Good luck with your Princess dream, little Susie; Camilla’s got that gig sewn up. Get real. Get serious. What’re you, ten? Chase that dream ‘til you’re blue in the face, kiddies... but do it on your own time! Sitting in the corner of mommy or daddy’s cube, you’ll see for yourself why they like cocktails so much. Watching them return countless emails, suck up to the boss, or try and stay awake in endless meetings, Give Your Kids a Good Cold Slap Day is a priceless experience that offers children a peak 50, 60 years into their future. That is, if they aren’t laid off when they turn 40. So pay attention little ones, Take Your Kids to Work Day is just the first day of the rest of your so-called life. FROM SPORTS REPORTS OF SORTS: Today was opening day for Major League Baseball and the start of the spitting and scratching season. The New York Yankees led the majors in expectorating with 458 spits spewed, 834 loogies hocked, 243 tobacco sprays, and a whopping 983 sunflower shells patooied from the dugout steps to the infield diamond. The Florida Marlins led in scratching with a new record of 587 crotch-scratches in one inning on June 21st of last year. Good luck spitting and scratching your way into the record books, major leaguers! Oh, and take a tip from our Yankee friend in the picture. Stretch those spitting and scratching muscles before partaking in the real national pastime. Fingers crossed, it's going to be a real hot, sweaty summer with a bumper crop of saliva. | Subscribe –
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