REPRINTED FROM THE OLINOY REPORTER, Travel Section, Friday, Nov. 22 ,2013
By Shane Taylor
If you're planning a weekend trip to the winter wonderland of Wisconsin, you had better pack a good amount of dashed hopes because our Travel Investigation Team or TIT has uncovered some surprising news about our neighbors to the north.
We found that Wisconsin is not a wonderland, but actually a one hit wonderland where snow is a mix of chemical snow, that should be declared a biohazard, and simple balls of cotton glued willy nilly to all kinds of sad plastic pine trees. The Dairy state did not comment when we declared their state ad campaign was a poor excuse to see if the Packer's Jordy Nelson could pitch any product without viewers dropping from stunned indifference and head-scratching confusion. It would be fair to say that Wisconsin has been trafficking in the kind of bait and switch tactics usually reserved for late night TV ads featuring senior citizens or a cartoon general.
Come on, this travel reporter didn't just get off the boat. He just got off the plane. Does anybody want these peanuts? Anyway, there isn't a real snowflake to be found in the entire state. It's all from Dow Chemical or the Christmas aisle at Home Depot. And don't get me started on their so called "ski lodges", which are obviously foreclosed cabins or homes with no hope of finding a buyer in the next year. Save yourself some money and stay home and watch the Skiing or Curling channel with a case of Canadian beer. You'll feel better in the morning and you won't have to expose yourself to so much road kill.