Some look at things the way they are and ask why, I dream of things that never were and ask, "who the hell's keeping this from happening!"
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I'm the Little Angry Guy. I used to be the Short Slightly Peeved Man, and before that I was the Obviously Upset Gentleman of Short Stature. I have used a Napoleon complex and a peptic ulcer to get things off my chest for 10 years. I have the kind of fury, rage, and instability that makes John Kass skip the last drink at closing hour and Richard Roeper order a new pair of elevator shoes just to walk as tall as I do among the little people. Little people like me. You can find me on this blog whenever I need to vent about anything that gets under my skin like a virus with no cure. I am the first on the scene, the last in the line, and somewhere in between when it comes to being little, angry and a guy. So put your seat belts on, it 's going to be a bumpy ride. One with twists and turns and sources that I probably met at the company cafeteria after finishing all of my paper work. Tune in for: “Hospital Stays and Visits” (weeknights, 7-10pm) “Getting Directions” (mid-days, 11am-2pm) “Food Allergies” (Sat @4pm, replay Sun @2pm) “How ‘bout Those Cubs?” (after every game) “Driving Stories” (overnights) “Hot Enough For You?” (summers at 3pm) “Does This Look Swollen To You?” (on the 1’s) My Little Ponee Glue Sticks! The fun adhesive that prepares kids for the harsh realities of the real world. Adults already know British beef burgers and tacos aren't the only place you'll find horses, and your kids will thank you… eventually… for letting them in on it. As the tasteless old joke goes, "What do winning jockeys whisper in their horse's ear? Roses are red, violets are blue, horses who lose are made into glue." Funny? No. But truthful? Pretty much, yes. All the info your little one will need to get a grip on the equine world is printed on the back of each and every package. So give 'em My Little Ponee Glue Sticks, and they'll be stuck… on the fun of learning! This is Dr. Joe McCratty from the Institute of Things You Should Know About. Stop by the Institute this week and check out the exhibit on Pantaloons to Petticoats: A Brief Look At Lady Undergarments. Women get half priced admission with insufferable single girl friend and proof of purchase of any over the counter medications. Did you know that sequestering in public or in the privacy of your own domecile may cause public ridicule and cholera? Yes, the fine people at The Weekly Study indicate that 8 out of every 10 sequesters end in quarantine or family and friend snickerings behind ones' back. The other two are a statistical anomaly. So the next time you plan on a sequester think about being cut off from all mankind or being the butt of some wisenheimer's well placed barb, and remember, always remember, watch out! Once my dad married five women in five different states. He got a free police escort to the state borderline. Free. That means it didn't cost anything. My dad wins again! The end!!! If you want to ask me anything about my dad just see me at school and I'll probably have some other amazing story about my dad because he is the best dad ever, so there!!!! Next week: The time this lady called my dad and was really angry at him and I was told I wasn't supposed to answer the phone when that lady called and if I did to say that he wasn't home or something because she once tried to run my dad over with her car and it was really cool because it was a story that only me and my dad knew and my mom would never know anything about it because "it's just for us guys". That means it's a guy thing, mom. No girls allowed. That's a pinky promise. In the land of the blind, anyone can claim to be the one-eyed man. |
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